How to survive a wedding...

Transform any social event into a practice ground for authentic relating

Last summer I attended a wedding in England. Besides the groom, I didn’t know anyone there.

Now, if you really knew me, you would know that I am actually very shy and feel most comfortable observing the aliveness of a party from the side. But that can get a bit boring as well...

I also like to experience connection with people and have inspiring and fun conversations.

That seems paradoxical, so how to show up in a way that honours yourself (w)holy?

Here is what I did. You can take these pointers as 'tips' to transform any social event into a practice ground for authentic relating and have more depth in connection.

First of all, it all starts with being present and aware. During the day of the wedding, I was noticing what's happening around me and in my experience. I was feeling myself as I walked around.

It's like experiencing the experience while being aware of experience.

I checked in with my aliveness and curiosity and let that guide me through the day. Sometimes I’d sit and observe, other times I’d engage in conversation or participate with my 3 year old in the Ceilidh (Irish dance) on the dance floor.

When being in conversation with someone and noticing flatness or even boredom, I'd add a question or reveal something that brought more energy to the conversation.

For example, I sat at the dinner table and was having a conversation with someone about where I lived and my work, which at the time felt a bit boring, really. So when my conversational partner mentioned his girlfriend, I asked him about the one thing he really appreciated in his relationship. Immediately a smile showed on his face and he moved  his body as he checked in about the one thing he cared about most. He actually ended up mentioning 3 things he loved. And what followed was a lively and truthful conversation about what was happening in his life with his relationship.

Then I was just listening and being with him in his world as he was sharing.

Another time I ended up sitting next to a man when drinking champagne. He turned out to be a magician. I followed my curiosity and shared my desire in the conversation, which led into an exploration of the embodiment of the magician archetype. Through inquiry and sharing emerging wisdom in the moment, we both gained new insight and felt experience of the energy of this archetype. A truly magical connection and conversation. 

And so was the wedding ♡.

(Written for a Circling Europe mailing)